Wrestling the green monster again....

It seems that there's another rash of BFP's in my buddy groups again. I don't know why I struggle so much with this. One or two, I can usually handle, but it seems there's one or two every where I turn. Any these are buddies working on #2 or #3. Some are surprises and some were tearfully tried for. I just feel like I'm being left behind again. I know that I'm not and these are wonderful friends who I rejoice and lament with. Most of have been there for me in ways that I can never thank them enough. A few took a few minutes to talk to me before make the big announcement (this extra time of "proccessing" was greatly appreciated). I just struggle, b/c I wonder just how much longer before it's my turn? I also struggle b/c these are women, friends, confidante who are going to be so elated when my little Sarah comes home. So why do I feel so jealous that they are moving on to #2 or #3?? I feel so guilty for feeling as I do. I feel like I don't have the right when they've surpported me through so much crap. When they wait on baited breath, too for that special day when we finally know what Sarah will look like and the day I finally hold her in my arms. I just long for the day when I win the wrestling match with the green monster and never have to fight him over this again......