I'm doing better today

Amazing what a good night of sleep can do for you emotionally. I'm still disappointed and my heart still hurts, but the rawness is fading. I woke up this morning and the first thing I thought of was "I could have woken up with a baby in my arms". Then I rolled over and caught a few more minutes of sleep. I was talking to my pastor's wife yesterday and she told me "it's ok to be specific with God about what you want". So I mulled it over while we ate dinner with Keith's parents. I mulled it over while I drove home. I know that going to China and scooping up a little 12-14 mo baby girl *or* boy would make me "over the moon" happy. I would finally be parent either way. However, if asked what I *specifically* would want, my reply would be that I would really love to have a newborn baby girl. I can be perfectly happy if God decides that another child is better for our family, but if He were to come to make and audibly ask "what in your heart do you specifically want?", I would answer without a beat "I would really love a newborn baby girl". So I stopped at Wal*Mart and went to the baby section. I picked out a cute little 0-3mo pink outfit and took it home. I put in the closet in the nursery and told God "fill 'er up!". I'm at peace with this (I hope I can maintain this) situation and process. I have no doubt that what ever child that God thinks is the most perfect* child in the world for us will make me so happy with delight at finally becoming a parent. I am going to try from this point on to stop putting parameters on my adoption prayers. No more tickers of how long we've waited, no more tickers on when I predict things will happen, no more saying "I'll just die if I have to pass another annisversary date without a baby in my arms". Ok, better said than done, but I'm going to really try. I have no idea when my prayer will be granted. I am going to put my energy in praying for our child. The right child for our family. Prayer for her parents that will have to make the hardest choice imaginable. Pray that I can hold on to hope a little while longer. I am no longer going to dictate where our child comes from. Yes, we are still in the China Program and we'll continue to pursue that avenue. However, my heart is open to any avenue, no matter how non-traditional, that will bring our family's child to us. So we move on from here with more determination and perseverence that one day, somehow, we *will* be parents of the most perfect child for us. Rhonda *perfect = the child that was meant to be ours