Preparing for the Worst & Hoping for the Best!

It's been a long weekend. I got some things on my list accomplished, but not all of them. My engery just didn't allow for it all. Still I'm pleased with what I accomplished. Hopefully I can continue this week. I've also gone through a gamet of emotions. I'm preparing myself to hear news that I'd rather not hear, but on the other hand hoping that I hear the news I want to hear. Honestly, I'm at peace with either road. I know that God is still in this. I know that He can see the bigger picture. If I do indeed have breast cancer, then He will take care of me and guide us through this journey. I've decided to just look at it as a major inconvience. The survival rate is great (especially since we will have caught it early), so I'm confident that I'll walk away from this. I also believe that He has our dream of growing our family planned out as well. I don't know how, when or where, but I do know that a baby will join our family regardless of whether I fight breast cancer or not. I just take comfort in knowing that at least during the fight, we won't have the added stress of a child, but we will still have the dream of one joining our family after the battle is over. If I don't have breast cancer, then we'll celebrate!!! We'll get our homestudy done and out of the way (please send vibes to Keith to get his rear in gear and do his paperwork). We'll continue working towards our adoption of a Little Ladybug from China. Life will go on no matter what news I get. It may have a bump in the road or it may not. Only the next few days will tell. Either way, I've placed my hand in God's hand and plan to rely on His goodness and mercy to see me through this experience. Either way, my life is changed. I've been looking around me with new eyes. I've reevaluated where I am and where I'm going. I've realized that no matter what new Dr. C gives me, life is too short to take it too seriously. I really need to live in the "here and now" and quit trying to rush to the part of life I've been dreaming of. I'm trying to smell the roses along the way. So we continue to wait and wonder. We continue to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. It's all we can do.

Thanksgiving 2005