Cutting my nose off to spite my face.....

First I called Dr. C's office to report back on how the Lunesta worked and get it refilled. Find out that Nurse C is not there and that Dr. C will be returning my call. I nearly fall off my chair in disbelief. Of course, knowing that I have another Dr.'s appt, I know that *that's* when she'll call so I leave my cell phn number. And sure enough, as the nurse at Dr. S's is taking my vitals, my cell phn rings (normally I do turn it off at appt, but I couldn't pass up a chance to rave to Dr. C personally about Lunesta). I tell the nurse that it's my other dr. and she steps out while I talk to Dr. C (who is great! More about that later). So the nurse steps back in and finishes. I was late to this appt by 5 min (had my boss's asst call ahead to let them know), so I already figured my dr. would be rushed. In he walks and asks why I'm there. Hello? Why do you think I'm here! Anyway, I procede to relate the SNAFU about the pain meds, the nurse miscommunication, my virus, and all the other fun stuff I've dealt with over the last 3.5 since my last procedure THAT DIDN'T WORK 100% (though he only has a small percentage that returns for another round ). He didn't seem really to care. Was great about letting me know that maybe 5 patients in 1000's have had this happen with pain meds. You know, it was nice knowing that this isn't common, but common this is HAPPENING TO ME! I don't care that I'm in the bad odds again. He also tells me that he doesn't know his schedule ahead of time and couldn't have warned me that he would be going out of town. I understand to some degree this is true, but I'm sorry, he has a life--I'm sure he plans around it. He also repeated told me that he was at a conference and it was important for him to keep his license. I told him I understood that, but if Dr. C wasn't such an awesome dr., I would have been left high and dry with NO pain mgt thanks to no notice at all *and* no knowledge that my pain contract wasn't valid until *he* Rx'd something. (Yep! Called Dr. C "awesome" to his face ). I told him it was a good thing I knew that she was going out of town, so I knew to call her office right away. He said that when he sends the note over to let her know that he's now Rx'g my pain meds, he'll put a Thank You note to her. He seemed to have no interest in how I got off the duragesic patch and why I was begging to be taken off it. No interest in the torture I went through during the vomiting from hell and therefore no interest in discussing a back up plan. He was happy to refill my Rx though. I told him that I had 4 days worth left and could likely get through Wed with that amount provided I could get scheduled then. He Rx'd me enough for 15 days. I told him that's more than Dr. C Rx's and he said that was ok. While he didn't think that I would use them all, at least I'd have them. That's about the only good thing to come out of our discussion. So then he gets up and walks out saying that he was going to try to get me in on Wed. I'm thinking great and told him so. I also thought he'd be BACK!! Oh, no! The nurse assistant walks with the forms to sign for the procedure. As she takes a seat, I ask her if Dr. S listens to his patients. She was quite taken back by that comment. I told her that I felt that he didn't listen to me today and that he left without making sure all my questions were addressed. She said that she's never in the room with him and she didn't know, but if I had a complaint, I could take it up with mgt. Then as I'm signing the paperwork, I ask her when it is. She said that scheduling would tell me. I looked at her and said that when Dr. S walked out of the room, he said that he was going to try to get me in on Wed. She didn't seem to know what I was talking about. So up to the scheduler we go. Can I mention that she is PG and ready to pop? Can I mention that my follow up with Dr. M couldn't be scheduled b/c they were all at her baby shower in teh back on Friday? Nothing against PG women and I thought I had totally gotten over the "big belly" issue, but I wanted to throttle her for being PG. Give you any idea how upset and angry I was? God, I haven't had that feeling in so long. Anyway, back to story. She proceed to inform me that there are NO opening for THIS wednesday. I told her that Dr. S said he was going to try to fit me in. She said that "sorry, he there's nothing". I was as we scheduled it for NEXT Wednesday. By now, I'm practically in tears. As I'm leaving the facility, the nurse assistant caught up with me in the lobby and told me that she brought my frustrations to mgt. She said that they told her that Dr. S had just dealt with a death in the family. I told her I could cut him some slack for that, but I still wasn't listened to and my questions/concerns were not fully addressed. She said that mgt said to they wanted to offer me another office visit (sure why not, I'm covered 100%), yet they couldn't get me in until NEXT monday. Geez, I can't win. I feel for the guy. I just think that a simple "I've had an unexpected thing to deal with, I can't be here 100% for you today, can we reschedule your concerns when I can?". HOW HARD IS THAT? Or something to that effect. Something that says "I care" or "Yeah it sucks" or "hang in there". No, all he could do was quote statistics. I'm so flippin' tired of being a statisitc and being the one that sucks. So needless to say, I cried all the way to work. I sobbed on the phn to Keith about how I should know after 3 yrs that it really doesn't serve me to get my hopes up. Or maybe I just hope in the wrong things. I don't know, but I just felt so betrayed today. Everyone keeps telling there's an end to this, but where the hell is it? So I get back to my office and pull myself together b/c I got a boss who's chomping at the bit to get things to the auditors and riding my case b/c I'm the hold up. So talk about a stressful day. One of the best parts was actually talking to Dr. C (wish she'd get a side job as a psychologist). She was so wonderful. So pleased that the Lunesta works (said she'd report my rave to the makers). I told her that I did wake up a couple of times last night, but didn't know if that was a fluke or not. She said that if I went back to sleep right away, then she'd say the Lunest is still working at the current dosage. She asked how many I thought I needed, I told her that I try to take them every couple of days so that I don't get used to them. She was pleased to hear that. She asked if I thought 20 with 3 refills would be enough. I nearly fell off my chair (again) and told her that that I'm sure that would be *more* than plenty and that if she didn't want to Rx that many, I would be seeing her on the 14th. She told me she was glad they worked and she'd fax the Rx to my pharmacy (not sure how much she gave me as I didn't make it to the pharmacy tonight). Ah, which brings me back to Nurse C. She told me that K *had* to pick up my last refill THAT DAY and it had to be filled THAT DAY or no pharmacy would fill it. So K rushed up there to get it and make it to a meeting downtown. Well, according to the lady today at Dr. S's office, I can fill the next day. I told her that I didn't have time to make it to the ER pharmacy and the pain contract forced me to choose *one* pharmacy. I told her that for convenience, I sometimes use B's pharmacy. She assured me that tomorrow would be fine. About an hour after I returned to the office, I get a phn call from Dr. S's office. Apparently, either he got wind of my complaint or he finally made it over to the scheduler. She said that he told her to put me in for 8am on THIS Wednesday and would this be a good time. I said yes. Beggars can't be choosers I guess. I would have rather it been later in the day when the nerve is more symptomatic, but I'll take that if that's all I get. I worry now about him doing a procedure on me. Will he do it effectively knowing that I'm at him? If he couldn't handle dealing with me in the office, how will he deal with me during a procedure? I don't know. I probably just cut off my nose to spite my face. Maybe this journey to pain free has no end. Or at least it did before I decided to throw a temper tantrum.