Oh, she was wonderful!!!!

I met with the health psychologist today. She was WONDERFUL!! Caring and compassionate. I never once cried at the therapist's office after the miscarriage, but I cried about three times in Dr. M's office today. She was so comfortable to talk to. She set me at ease right away. She validated my pain and my concerns. She understood why I would be worried about being "labeled" or raising "red flags", but she could tell based on my story and my records that I wasn't a risk. She did say that I follow the rules TOO WELL. LOL!! She says that there really is flexibility in the pain contract and that no one can predict when breakthrough pain will occur. She says the important thing is to discuss it at the first opportunity with the medical team so that they are aware and know that your pain meds will need to be adjusted accordingly. She feels that I can rely on my past history with Dr. C to give her the benefit of the doubt about the pain medication. She feels that Dr. C left town thinking that I was still taking the meds at 5mg as per *our* last conversation. Dr. M supports my returning to the dosage and said that she will back me up. She said that I do need to contact Dr. C on Monday and talk directly to her about the conversation with her nurse. She thinks that it is either a miscommunication of the messenger or a messenger who made a decision she wasn't licensed to make. She says that it's obvious that I'm aware of what dosages work and certainly willing to cut the dosage if the 5mg is not needed. Dr. M also reminded me that I am part of the "team" and the whole point is to make sure that *my* pain is managed and *I* can participate in life. She says that taking the lowest effective dose is good, but I have a demonstrated ability to make sound decisions as to what that is and can be trusted to medicate as needed. We discussed anti-depressants. I told her that I felt they were a wonderful tool, but I didn't think adding another pill to my regimine was the answer. She agreed that I appears to be a pretty strong woman, but explained that lack of seritonin can contribute to the pain. I told her that I was more willing to maintain pain control until the next procedure then to mask it. I want the remaining nerve to be so symptomatic at that time so that Dr. S has no problem finding the bull's eye. She chuckled and said she could understand. I explained that with the hormones back to normal and the pain under control, my depression lifts, but if the next procedure wasn't successful, I would certainly be open to taking anti-depressants. We talked about the fact that pain relief is on the horizon, it's just slow in getting here b/c of Dr. S's schedule. I told her that we (Dr. C, Keith & I) were pretty surprised that he was able to Dx and treat me right away after dealing with the left pain for so long. I told her that I just thought that I would be better by now. She said that she could understand how that can wear on you. We talked about the joint pain. I told that I never had a real confirmed Dx for Fibromyalgia, but I did keep it in mind with some choices in my life. She's amazed that I have managed to quit caffeine and that I try to cut out sugar (told her chocolate is my downfall). I told her it's worse in the winter time when the barametric pressure is fluctuating so much, but harder to take this year b/c of all the other things going on. She was very understanding about that as well. We talked about my challenges to get quality sleep and what steps I've taken to alleviate it. We both agreed that once my pain is under control and then finally treated, I'll either be back to sleeping well or we'll need to find the root of it. I've had sleep issues since we got married and with each thing that's cropped up over the last 5 years, no on has been able to find the actual cause as there are so many variables. Hopefully, I'll start sleeping after the next procedure (and the pain is gone for good). It was wonderful. I feel soooo much better emotionally. She was glad to hear about my support network (both online and IRL). She asked me to list my assets and one thing I listed was "perseverence". She chuckled and said that was certainly demonstrated. She also let me know that she added "intelligent" which really made my day. We also talked about how wonderful I thought Dr. C was. How I really felt that I could trust her and she trusted me (inspite of my recent worries). Dr. M even wrote in her notes that Dr. C confided in my that when I handed her my pain contract from Dr. S (voluntarily) that she said that she would have vouched for me, but she understood that he has to to cover himself. I told Dr. M that I really understand why the rules are in place and she reminded me that they do have some flexibility and to know go overboard to meet them if that means I have to suffer. So, here I am. I've actually eaten lunch (feeling hunger is a blessing!) and I've taken 5mg of Percocet. My pain has deminished to the point that I can concentrate and become distracted from it. So off to work on my project deadline. In another dose or two, the pain will be totally under control. *sigh* Pain relief feels so wonderful! I feel like I'm finally getting a better grasp on my life. I feel hope flowing back.