If things had been different....

My Dearest, Precious Little Angel, If things had been different, a year ago today you might have been born. If things had been different, we would be counting the days to your first birthday party. If things had been different, we would hold you in our arms as well as our hearts. If things had been different, we would know what your laugh would have sounded like or if you had your daddy's eyes and your mommy's smile. If things had been different, I would watch your daddy's face glow as you wrapped him around your little finger. If things had been different... Instead you were born into heaven. Instead I count the days, weeks, month, days since you went to be with Jesus. Instead I dream of angels rocking you to sleep at night. Instead I wonder when you would have walked or what your first word would have been. Instead I watch your daddy play with other kids and wonder when we will be blessed with another treasured little angel to hold in our arms. Instead... Our love for you will be for always. You'll never be forgotten. Today I was reminded that I am not the only one who remembers. Your "aunties" sent beautiful emails and cards today. They helped me mark "what could have been". My heart yearns to hold you close, to drink in the sweet smell of you, to watch you grow up. I do not know when you will have a brother or a sister. I do not know how many siblings you will have. I do know that God will in some way grant us our most requested blessing. I just do not know when. I take comfort in knowing that you will be there watching from heaven. Yet, still...I will wonder about you. Still...I will yearn to know you. Still...I will always wonder what could have been. Still.... One day, my dearest, precious angel, when we meet in heaven and we walk along the streets of gold, I will hold you close and sing you sweet lullabies. One day, we will be together forever. One day.... Until then, please know that your mommy and daddy love you forever and ever and always. You will always be a part of our family. You are a heavenly blessing for you are our little rose who bloomed in heaven.