Dealing with Disappointment & Hope

Expecting the worst, hoping for the best. Quite a contradiction of each other, huh. I saw Dr. C on Monday. I don't have return to see her until my annual exam in October. I mentioned that hopefully it would be an OB appt instead. She thought a moment, counted out loud and said that *may be* possible. Her emphasis on "maybe" and her tone of voice said that it wasn't likely. It's a tone she uses when she's warning me to be careful. It was rather disappointing to hear her say that. I'm appreciative that Dr. C is upfront and honest and compassionate about it, but it is still disappointing. So I've decided it's best to expect that my cycles won't return in time for a PG this year, but hope that they will. Dr. C was very happy to hear that the pain is being controlled by Motrin and that I went the whole weekend with not pain meds (for Endometriosis anyway). I told how wonderful it was to clean house without be laid out on the couch after. She said agreed. She said that she's really happy to see a smile on my face again. I asked if the 2nd shot will cause the pain to increase like before and Dr. C said that since I'm already in "menopause" that no it won't. Whew!! She is going to work with me to make sure my shot is scheduled before the end of April in case I start a new job that month. I told her how stressed I am about my job right now and that I'm having a hard time with sleep. We talked a little bit about it and she agreed that the sleep issues are more stress related than "menopause" related. At the beginning of the month it was "menopausal", but now that that the estrogen/progesterone has evened things out, it's more stress related. There's certainly a difference. Dr. C agreed that, since Sunday is the worst and it's really hard to start a work week off with hardly any sleep, I can take the Ambien on Sunday nights until I get a new job. Sure hope that I get one soon, I only have 7 pills left and no refills. I found out that I my ideal weight is higher than I had thought. I guess that I have a medium bone structure. I always thought I was small boned, but I guess I'm just short. She asked my height and I said 5'2" and she said "but your chart says 5'1"". I told her that I've always been told 1.5 inches and that I could claim 5'2". She said that if I claim 5'1", then my ideal weight is 115-120. If I claim 5'2", then it's 120-125. I told her I claimed 5'1". LOL!!! I did whine about not seeing 103 again (which is what I was 10 yrs ago). She emphatically informed me that even at 5'0" at age 20 that 103 was underweight. So apparently I was once underweight. What a shocker. Funny since I subsisted on McDonald's, t.v. dinners, and Ruffles. LOL!! I called PHS on Monday to see if they had made a decision. I'm hopeful that I'm still in the running, because when she told me that she hadn't made a decision yet, she didn't indicate that she wasn't considering me. Apparently, her time line for a decision was inturrepted by something that came up and she had to postpone the last two interviews. As a matter of fact, she said that when I called on Monday, she had just finished the last interview. She thanked me for calling. Sounded positive. She still hasn't checked references yet though. Waiting is soooooo hard. I have an interview on Friday with an engineering firm. I looks like they have good benefits. Hopefully I'll find out more Friday. The pay range is good. I wonder what engineers are like to work for? I put my application in with another job with PHS, a private university and with another employment agency. I haven't heard anything from those resumes. *sigh* Waiting is so hard. I'm not a patient waiter. I know I should be, but I'm not. I'm trying. Below are some interesting articles I found on Bethany Christian Services.com The prayer really sounded like I was praying it.