Wondering, Not Wandering

The following is in Moments for Couples Who Love for Children by Ginger Garrett:

Wondering, Not Wandering All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. Psalm 139:16 The Bible says that God knows the exact number of days in our lives and that He plans each day for us before we are born. He knows us imtimately, longer before our mothers were born or felt the first twinge of pregnancy. We see the linear progression of our lives. God sees the eterenal past and future and knows how all of the events we face will fit together to accomplish His will. Only God knows why your waiting to concieve is a necessary critical part of His plan. Because we can't see our situation through God's eterneal perspective, we feel tempted to slide toward generalities. We simply want a child. We don't know what might lie in the balance of when we concieve and which child we are given, so we think we could get any child at any time in order to be fulfilled. But right at this moemnt God is orchestrating so much more than your life. His care and control over the events of the world do not diminish in the slightest His care for you. Rather, He is moving the world together for the perfect time for each child to be born. The Bible insists there is an ordained day for every baby to be born, and so it follows that there is an ordained day fo revery baby to be concieved. If you are waiting to become pregnant, you have the assurance of knowing that God is not putting you off or ignoring your request or wasting time. If God has chosen to grant you children, He is even now moving you toward an exact day and time for you, or a birth mother, to concieve, and an exact day for this sweet baby to be born. It is hard to understand why we must wait for this appointed day when we feel we would be happy with any us to know whether or how we should pursue medical treatment, since God already has pre-ordained everything. But we know only part of His plan for our lives; He reveals to us daily how we are to live in each moment. We are asked to entrust the whole of our lives--including this sturggle--to Him. Because we know He plans each birth and life so carefully, we can take comfort in the knowledge that He is a God of specifics. We may be wondering about the road we're on, but we're not wandering on an aimless path. It may seem that time waiting is time wasted, but in truth, each day that passes brings us closer to the specific day that God may have appointed for our child to be born. Lord, we know only part of Your plan and yet You ask us to trust You completely. We want to know how many days of waiting we'll face, and You ask us to remain content with Your plan for today. This waiting doesn't make sense to us and we need reassurance of Your love for us and Your complete and masterful control over this situation. We want a baby so dearly! Please who us today how You appoint a time and season to everyone and everything. Help us take comfort in the knowledge that You may be preparing us for a very specific date ahead when we will finally hold our child, the specific child You have ordained for us to rear.

I need to remember this daily. I need to re-read this daily. I need to remember that I'm just where God wants me to be in my TTC/IF Journey. It's not that I have to *like* where I'm at. But there are still things to be thankful to the Lord for. - My marriage is stronger today than it was before we started. - I'm more in love with my husband today than I was before. - I've learned to communicate with my family and my in-laws (still a work in progress though). - My walk is stronger and I've learned that I have more strenth than I ever thought I had. - We're in a good financial position, I have a roof over my head, clothes in my closet, food on the table, gas in my car. - Have double insurance to handle the cost of the care of my Endometriosis. I'm am so blessed. There is one certain blessing I want to be blessed with as well. However, I need to remember how much I'm blessed with. Just because I haven't been blessed with the blessing I request, it's not reason to not look around me and see all that I do have. I'm not alone in this journey. God is there the whole time, the whole way. He's given me a wonderful and supportive husband. We have a marriage that has weathered some storms and is stronger on the other side of the storm. If we were to never have any children, I've learned that my marriage can still be satisfying. WOW!! What a revelation is that? Whether we have little rugrats underfoot or not, I've learned that I can truly be satisfied with my husband. I really don't believe that that's God's plan for my life, but it's so liberating to have that revelation. So tomorrow, as I learned whether 100mg of Clomid will do the job or not, I need to remember there is more to my life than having a baby. Either way God has a plan for my life and not matter what, His plan will always be "out of this world".