Hope Gives Faith it's Power...

I have spent the last 3 or 4 months in the "depths of despair" and have come to realize that Marilla may be right about that because I feel that I have turned my back on God (Anne of Green Gables for those who are scratching their heads). I have been questioning my faith in God. I went through my first IUI without any hope at all. I had faith mind you, but no hope. I believed that God *could* make me PG, I just didn't believe He *would*. Today I learned something about faith and hope from my Pastor's sermon--Hope Gives Faith it's Power. "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1 My pastor talked today about how we can have faith, but not have hope and without hope faith has no power. He talked about how we say we have faith that God will answer our prayers, but without hope those prayers will not be answered. It was quite a shock to hear him go on and on about the topic I sobbed and bawled about in my husband's shoulder just a few short days ago. I have prayed for almost a year for the Lord to please take away the pain and ache of my desire to be pregnant and have a child if His plan was that I not experience that. He has not. I've begged Him, that if His plan was that I not become a mother even through adoption, that He take away my desire to be a mother and my heartache I have felt for years. He has not. So I prayed to Him this week asking Him for some sign that He's still working on it--Begging that I be given some sign that I will indeed experience pregnancy and birth and after that the ability to watch my child grow up. I reminded Him that he had told Sarah she would bear a child (but pleaded that I not have to wait quite as long) and that even Hannah eventually was given a prophecy that she would indeed bear a child. I pleaded with Him to please grant me this desire. As I have this whole long journey, I heard silence. Then a parable came to my mind--one that I had forgotten. One that I once taught about in Sunday School. "And he spake a parable unto them to this end, that men ought always to pray, and not to faint; Saying, There was in a city a judge, which feared not God, neither regarded man: And there was a widow in that city; and she came unto him, saying, Avenge me of mine adversary. And he would not for a while: but afterward he said within himself, Though I fear not God, nor regard man; Yet because this widow troubleth me, I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me. And the Lord said, Hear what the unjust judge saith. And shall not God avenge his own elect, which cry day and night unto him, though he bear long with them? I tell you that he will avenge them speedily. Nevertheless when the Son of man cometh, shall he find faith on the earth?" Luke 18:1-8 So I began my daily petition to God reminding Him that the judge had granted the women her petition because he had grown weary of her coming. I told Him that I've brought my petition before Him many, many times and I would continue to do so until He granted that which my heart has so desired and the bible promised that God would do so for us as well. Then I began to doubt that maybe this wasn't a good thing to do? And then today, my Pastor preached on meditation. He said that when you worry, you are meditating. You are meditating on that which your are worrying about. He said instead of worry, meditate on that which you petition the Lord for and those scriptures that give hope. And I felt as if the Lord were telling me that I am welcome to bring my petition to Him each day. What a relief. Before all this, I had to teach on "pressure" today to my teen class. Since I've been so sick and in pain, I had not had a chance to prepare my lesson beforehand and walked into class "cold" and taught (not a wise idea). That was when my heart first began to open up to what God wanted to remind me of. While teaching on "peer pressure" and "life pressure", the Teacher's Manual had me remind the kids that Jesus doesn't bring pressure to be mean or cruel, but to help us see what we are made of. God knows what is on the inside, but we do not always know this and so God applies "positive pressure" to help us see--to give us direction or to give us hope. When what is on the inside need changing, we change it. When what is on the inside is within line with God's Word, we are given hope. I applied this to my journey with Infertility. I have learned through this that I really do have faith in God during times of trials, I may question myself at times, but I really do have faith. While I may not like what I'm going through, I've learned a lot about myself, about God, and about my walk with Jesus. What a FriendBy Joseph M. Scriven, 1820-1886 "What a friend we have in Jesus, all our sins and grief to bear! What a privelege to carry Everything to God in prayer! O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear. All because we do not carry Everything to God in prayer. Have we trials and temptations? Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged, take it to the Lord in prayer, Can we find a friend to faithful, Who will all our sorrows share? Jesus knows our every weakness, Take it to the Lord in prayer. Are we weak and heavy laden. Cumbered with a load of care? Precious Savior, still our refuge, Take it to the Lord in prayer. Do thy friends despise, forsake thee? Take it to the Lord in prayer; In His arms He'll take and shield thee, Though wilt find a solace there." Years ago I read in an Our Daily Bread how this was penned after the author had lost his fiancee the night before their wedding. I asked myself if I had that kind of faith in God. Could I go through such a tragedy and still have such faith in God. After my m/c, I learned that I indeed did have that kind of faith. Again, today, I learned, that while I might question myself and stumble along the journey through Infertility, I still do have that kind of faith in God. http://www.webedelic.com/church/injesusf.htm>STory behind the Song My pastor finished his sermon exhorting us to meditate on God's word when things go wrong. Instead of wishing that we were not in the situation, to meditate on those things that will give us hope and power as we work through them. It made me remember my lesson on pressure--instead of wishing the pressure were gone, I need to meditate on God's word to give me strenth to endure, to withstand, and to overcome. My husband sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers this week. On the card he had written "We are in this together". Today I felt the Lord saying the same thing.